Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
