I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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