the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
