he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
