i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am available for nakedness
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
