i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
