didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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