oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You are a genius and a whore.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
