Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
