I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
