theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
