there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
