How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You can't motorboat a personality
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
