We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
