3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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