genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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