Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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