Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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