He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
