tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My vagina just recognized that song.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
