Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I cockslap morals
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
