I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
