I smell stomach acid.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
