Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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Send help, water and tortillas.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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