Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
