i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am mentally ready for anal.
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