We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
