True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
