he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
