I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
