Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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