I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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