I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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