you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
