I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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