so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
