That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
