i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
