Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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