yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?