that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
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Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...