Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing