dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize