Texts From Last Night

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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles

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  (319): I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles http://tfl.nu/zz0g
  Replies (7) Good night (2798) Bad night (605)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  ...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..

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  (603): ...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night.. http://tfl.nu/6ino
  Replies (46) Good night (4726) Bad night (945)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.

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  (614): just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch. http://tfl.nu/9ahk
  Replies (81) Good night (6328) Bad night (1265)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.

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  (785): Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/cv1z
  Replies (45) Good night (7801) Bad night (892)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order

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  (847): then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order http://tfl.nu/len1
  Replies (11) Good night (959) Bad night (5550)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.

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  (281): I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas. http://tfl.nu/8z68
  Replies (10) Good night (3062) Bad night (2051)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages

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  (815): I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages http://tfl.nu/m114
  Replies (4) Good night (808) Bad night (2281)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...

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  (434): Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave... http://tfl.nu/1k20
  Replies (13) Good night (2555) Bad night (940)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.

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  (248): Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend. http://tfl.nu/0gh5
  Replies (10) Good night (3735) Bad night (808)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.

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  (517): And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you. http://tfl.nu/j63g
  Replies (12) Good night (1076) Bad night (659)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"

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  (404): If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy" http://tfl.nu/w6q2
  Replies (4) Good night (1490) Bad night (545)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?

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  (954): Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over? http://tfl.nu/e816
  Replies (12) Good night (906) Bad night (1412)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.

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  (806): Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment. http://tfl.nu/1xps
  Replies (7) Good night (964) Bad night (388)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now

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  (609): I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now http://tfl.nu/txwa
  Replies (5) Good night (617) Bad night (329)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me

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  (405): there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me http://tfl.nu/c4z7
  Replies (4) Good night (782) Bad night (511)

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