An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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