there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.