he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
barbara walters just said penis...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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