What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
