it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
