If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize