Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
