I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
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He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
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Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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