We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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