I just made out with a guy for $7.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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