Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
