it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
