i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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