She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
