just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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