I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
