Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
