I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
