Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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