i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
