Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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