Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
