ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
