He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
