I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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