morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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