Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize