Your face is a jimmy john
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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