capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
