my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
