I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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