you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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