my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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