Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
