i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
one might say we're banned from that church
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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