Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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