rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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