U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
