Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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