did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize