clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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