thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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