i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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